For many children, summer camp is a season of adventure—canoeing across lakes,
laughing with new friends, singing around campfires, and discovering new interests.
Parents often hope camp will build confidence, independence, and lifelong memories. 
But for a child struggling with social anxiety, camp can feel entirely different. Instead
of excitement, there may be dread. Instead of possibility, there may be
fear. What comes across as shyness or reluctance may actually be a child working
incredibly hard to manage overwhelming anxiety. 

Summer Camp Isn’t Exciting for Every Child 

For many children, school provides a predictable rhythm. They see the same
classmates each day, have a relationship with their teacher(s), gradually learn where
they fit socially, and have months to become comfortable in their environment.
Summer camp is different. New cabins, themes, activities, unfamiliar counselors,
changing groups of children, and different routines mean that kids are often asked to
build relationships quickly and pivot often. For a child with social anxiety, the constant
social movement and change can feel overwhelming. This can be exciting for some
kids, especially extroverts, who like a lot of stimulation. But this kind of environment
can be less enticing for more introverted children, and particularly those with social
anxiety.  

What Social Anxiety Feels Like 

Social anxiety is far more than simply being shy. Many children with social anxiety
desperately want friendships and connection, but their nervous systems respond to
social situations as though they are threatening. Their minds become filled with
worries about being judged, rejected, embarrassed, or getting something wrong. Their
bodies may become tense, their hearts race, and their thoughts narrow toward
perceived threats rather than opportunities for enjoyment. Every introduction might
feel like a performance. Every group game may come hand in hand with the feeling
of being watched or the possibility of failing. Every possibility of rejection tends to
feel magnified.  

We are social creatures, so the need for connection is always present. For some kids,
however, the fear of having to make connections is strong enough to blot out
the conscious desire for it.Making friends can feel so scary that it is
enough to cause withdrawal and avoidance, which then becomes isolating and
depressing. Social anxiety that interferes with young people’s ability to make friends
and enjoy themselves with others is a silent and challenging inner battle that parents,
teachers, and counselors need to address with attunement and sensitivity. 

Why Pressure Usually Makes Anxiety Worse  

Anxiety is often experienced as a highly uncomfortable feeling most of us would
rather rid ourselves of. For children and teens struggling with social anxiety, it tends
to be a lingering feeling that seems impossible to shake off. Pressure to “just get in
there” can backfire, especially when a child’s anxiety or sense of
awkwardness sometimes leads to unsuccessful social encounters. These encounters reinforce his or her fears that they are incapable or not likeable. This is where emotional support and sensitivity from caring adults play a crucial role. If we can keep in mind and heart the level of difficulty this child experiences just enduring certain social settings, we can lead and support with empathy, encouragement, and a stepwise view of progress. What helps counteract anxiety is the reduction or absence of any additional pressures. But total avoidance of social situations and tasks is neither a goal nor a cure. 

Creating Emotional Safety Before Expecting Confidence: Facilitating Small
Choices 

Avoidance makes us feel better, but almost always begets more avoidance,
which ultimately increases anxiety. So, what we are aiming for, with both kids and
adults, is to create conditions of sufficient safety to allow for courage and success.
Letting a kid or teen have and make a choice, rather than pressuring or
forcefully imposing an activity, can help give them space to gradually grow
comfortable while still participating socially. For example, rather than saying to
your child, “Everyone is playing soccer—you need to join, “the counselor,
teacher, or parent might instead ask, “Would you rather watch for a few minutes, help
keep score, or join one of the smaller teams? “Small choices restore a child’s sense of
agency without increasing pressure. Offering manageable choices does something
important psychologically. Rather than feeling trapped or controlled, children regain a
sense of agency—the feeling that they have some influence over what happens next.
That small shift often lowers anxiety enough for curiosity and confidence to begin
replacing fear. 

The Role Adults Play in Reducing Social Anxiety 

Communicating our confidence in their being able to do something hard and our
willingness to stand by and support them often helps children find courage
they didn’t know they had. When children feel emotionally safe and comfortable,
rather than pressured, they are often better able to take small, manageable social
risks. Genuine confidence rarely develops through force, but instead through repeated
experiences of feeling safe and accepted while gradually stretching beyond what
feels familiar. Adults can give kids the chance to take small risks and make choices.
They can also help kids notice small and big wins and feel pride in facing their
fears and stretching themselves.  With support and encouragement, they begin to find
their own internal motivation to not be limited by anxiety. 

Confidence Grows in the Presence of Just-Enough Safety 

Sensitivity, gentleness, and having a non-pressuring approach when engaging with
children and teens with social anxiety can go a long way. Embracing children and
teens with patience, sensitivity, calmness, and gentleness offsets, counteracts, and
alleviates some of the inner pressure they are already feeling. Support and
understanding go a long way in freeing kids up from their social anxiety, especially
when we adults remember that our kids really do want to connect socially. Our
confidence and calm can help them step out of their shell.  

Children and teens with social anxiety rarely need someone to push them harder.
More often, they need sensitive adults who understand that courage grows best in the
presence of safety. When children consistently experience patience, empathy, and
acceptance, they gradually begin to discover that relationships can become sources of
comfort, strength, and joy rather than fear. Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer

an anxious child is not encouragement to be different, but rather an environment
where they finally feel safe enough to become themselves. 

Resources

It’s normal for children to feel nervous in new situations from time to time. But if social
anxiety consistently prevents your child from making friends, participating in activities,
attending school, or enjoying experiences they would otherwise want to have, it may
be time to seek additional support.

At Resilience Restored Psychotherapy, we work with children, adolescents, and families
to understand the emotional roots of anxiety and help young people develop greater
confidence, resilience, and comfort in relationships. Through a warm, collaborative,
and developmentally informed approach, therapy can help children feel safer in
themselves and more connected to others.