We are now living in the “age of AI.” The speed with which this new technology is changing how we live and work is almost dizzying. Artificial Intelligence offers us so much in terms of access to integrated and comprehensive information, ideas we would not even think to ask about, and tips and advice for living from experts across all domains of life. It offers us yet more convenience and efficiency than ever before. Of course, we mortals want to take from it what can be helpful to create greater ease in our lives.

Artificial intelligence has seeped into every field, including perhaps the most interpersonal one: mental health and psychotherapy. People are now “talking” with AI as a therapist figure to help them manage their mental health, seek diagnostic information, vent about their struggles and concerns, or to feel less alone. To begin to develop a “relationship” with artificial intelligence and ask it questions or talk about conflicts is increasingly common, and understandable. 

Some are turning to AI to bridge the gap between their needs and their resources. Therapy can be seen as time and money intensive, and for many Americans, it can be difficult to access good care. Other people are aware of the need for therapy broadly, but question whether they “really need” it. So, AI can seem like a decent-enough alternative. And, in truth, it can offer some direction and good ideas! Afterall, AI is highly intelligent, programmed by humans, provides helpful resources, and is designed to give a sense (albeit illusory) that it understands and empathizes with us.

And then there is the “stranger-on-a-train” phenomenon that has long been observed. That is our tendency to divulge intimate details and allow ourselves to be vulnerable with another human being we are likely to never see again. It’s low risk, provides a certain level of anonymity, and it can feel good to just let go and vent. AI is our new stranger-on-a-train or bartender; it knows how to be supportive, reflect what we are saying without judgment, and doesn’t have any vested interest in what we decide to do or not do. It also has a seductive tendency to feed back to us what we want to hear. This can feel a lot safer than talking to another human being where fears or feelings about being judged might arise, the discomfort of feeling vulnerable is ever present, and our need for safety and desire to be understood are so palpable even to ourselves. 

As therapists, we understand that our clients are taking emotional risks in being vulnerable with us, letting us into painful memories, inviting us into territory that feels confusing and uncharted. Being in therapy takes courage and a willingness to invest time, money, and at times real emotional work, into yourself and who you want to be. Unlike AI, we actually feel the honor and responsibility of being in that role with people and we know what it’s like; we’ve been there. We’ve made the same investments of time, money and emotional courage. And we understand completely, and respect, the desire to feel safe and seen.

Having acknowledged some of the real benefits of AI, it is important to name what it cannot do. It cannot replicate the authenticity of a human-to-human relationship. Therapy, on its most basic level, is two people coming together in heart and mind, to help understand, clarify, process, work through, and heal the struggles of one member of the pair. While AI can function as a half-way point for those wanting to test out talking to a therapist, AI does not replicate the therapeutic process. It lacks subjectivity, does not have an unconscious, does not have desires, fears, anxieties, conflicts, emotional reactions, bodily sensations, personal history, or genuine emotional investment in the person speaking with it. It hasn’t “been there.” AI can be an extraordinary tool for education and emotional support, and it even may help people gain insight, organize thoughts, and feel less alone during difficult moments. However, intellectual insight is not the same as real healing, growth and actual personal development. 

Human beings are fundamentally relational creatures. We wither, suffer and can even go crazy without real human contact and care. Our deepest wounds often emerge within relationships. And so, our deepest experiences of healing are most often relational; worked through person-to-person. Decades of research on psychotherapy consistently shows that different approaches and “techniques” are far less important than the “person” variables. Things like the alliance (i.e., trust, mutual liking) between the therapist and client, the client’s experience of the therapist’s warmth and genuine care, and the sense of being in an “authentic” relationship are 3 of the most important predictors of the success of psychotherapy. Others include the “person” variables of the client: hopefulness and motivation to change. The specific tools of different therapeutic approaches lag far behind in importance. And that is the most AI can really offer. 

Yes, AI may help us gain insight, but therapy with another person helps us encounter, understand, and know ourselves on deeper levels. Part of what is healing about the therapeutic process is being able to express emotions to another person and have those emotions validated and accepted. The client’s experience of being seen, heard, understood by and having an impact on another person (the therapist), who allows themselves to care about you, creates a safe space for the reworking of so many things: how you see yourself, how you see the world, how you frame your problem or issues, your awareness of and ability to use resources (your own and others’), and your hopefulness about your own future and relationships. 

A common stalling point in therapy is when people feel aware of where “the problem” started but do not know how to break out of the patterns that fuel it. In other words, they have developed insight that does not yet translate into change. Having experiences in therapy of understanding more than just intellectually, but also, emotionally, relationally and within one’s body helps clients feel more ready to act on what they already know. Through healing, growth-supportive therapeutic relationships, clients become able to stop cycles of avoidance, self-destruction, and stagnation. Ultimately, we need to have these emotional and relational experiences to truly heal. For that, AI is a poor substitute.